birthday curse

i was going to call this birthday blues, but am not blue cause its my birthday. i dont mind growing older (i may have a different response in 10 years) but am not freaking out cause i've turned 30. but ever since i was 12 the universe has conspired against me and something emotionally jarring has happened around my birthday. i cant say if it was every year but it sure does feel like it.

on thursday, i and a couple of friends found an abanandoned kitten and i took her home. she was so cute, mostly white with tabby markings on her face and tail, and well behaved. i wasnt sure if i could keep her but . . . on saturday i woke up and there was blood on the blanket from baby kitty. i thought that ziggy had attacked and hurt her. i took them both to the vet, who said that Bertha (baby kitty) had some teeth problems and it would bleed a bit more but she would be okay. i took her home and it didnt stop bleeding and i decided to take her to the vet the next day.

well we didnt make that. my vet wouldnt answer the phone and i had to call a friend to get a 24 hour vet. Bertha had started having convulsions and crying. She was a really quiet kitten. and then i couldnt get a taxi since it was saturday nite. By the time I got her to the vet, she had slipped into a coma and he said there was nothing he could do for her.

i cried when my fish died (as an adult). so there was me weeping uncontrollably at 1 am sunday morning at the vets office while my kitten continued to have convulsions and died.

She was kinda a birthday present to myself, hence her name - Bertha Day. but the universe gave me another one. am of the opinion that it sucked. so have decided that my birthday doesnt exist or is now April 22.